"So, rraven, How's It Going?"

Judging from the image I've selected, I guess that'll tell you how the job interview today went.

Oh, it was a nice interview (a fire drill happened in the middle of it)and my interviewer seemed a real sweetheart. However, the company that PENDOT (the Pennsylvania Everything Damning Of all Transprtation) hires out turned out to be Philadelphia Developmental Disabilities Coorporation and unfortunately, I'm just not Disabled enough to qualify (or fortunately, depending on your point of view). I had no idea I was supposed to be disabled. I guess I should add that to the resume.

On the other hand, it was great to know that a place like this exists in Philly and seems to be doing good work. The atmosphere was casual, friendly and first-name basis. Donald Trump could probably learn a thing or two from them.

In other news, last night I finished the first draft of my Captain Jean-Luc Picard adventure into the universe of world mythology. I'm still too tired to celebrate properly--then off to write a more polished draft and send it out to gather reject slips. Hooray!

Boriweogail!!!

I have a job interviewtomorrow for the Department of Motor Vehicles. So you can probably guess what my state of mind is like. If you can't, here's a frightening glimpse:

"BOOGA! Whoop! Dee dee dee obbbi oobie wah wah How to get to North Philly and back in one piece? Ding dong! Panic's calling! RED ALERT! AwOOOga! AwOOOga! Mr. Worf, raise sheilds and fire at will. Just joking, Will. Da da DAAAAA..."

...and so on ad infinitum. I suppose there's a spiritual lesson in here somewhere, but it's just not getting through at the moment.

There Oughta Be A Law...

So I was writing my aforementioned book, listening to an online New Age radio station last week (Sept 17-23) when I was jolted by hearing...

wait for it...

CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

It wasn't even the FALL EQUINOX yet and they're playing bloody Xmas muzac?!?! I'm sure this is a cause of global warming. No, really. Think about it. Playing Xmas muzac too early--polar bears eating each other. Makes perfect sense to me. And WHEN did the trend to push the Xmas shopping season back begin? About twenty years ago--THE SAME TIME the hole in the ozone was discovered!

Now, I think that chemicals and pollution DO punch holes in the ozone layer. They still need to be dealt with. But by God, man, every little bit helps! We might not be able to legislate clean air laws with major coorporations, but at least we can wait until November before playing Christmas carols! Surely, this law, if proposed by the Democrats (or any other political party), could (as wll as Bush's continued incompetence) make them easily gain control of Congress.

Then it will a Merry Christmas after all.

Slap Happy

Creation myths are so boss, aren't they? I have a feeling origin of humanity myths mostly came from being asked by an innocent four year old "Mummy--where do babies come from?" I've read a lot of baby origin myths--the stork, finding babies in a cabbage patch--but a Cherokee myth beats the lot. Granted, a lot about Cherokee myths were lost due to the white man's myth that whiter is better. ANYWAY--

A man and a woman were created by Someone Powerful. It was Someone Powerful who taught man how to get woman pregnant--by slapping her with a fish. Yes, you read that right--slapping her with a fish. The slapped then gave birth in seven days.

Besides some other rather crude comments I would like but can't really make, I might as well end with a joke I learned at the White Springs in Glastonbury (so you can blame them, not me):

One day God decided to visit Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden. He found Adam having a smoke. "Where's Eve?" God asked. "She's down at the river washing herself after our shag." Adam replied.

"Darn!" God exclaimed. "Now all of the fish will smell of fanny!"

PETA Bread

My dog and I find an average of three cents a day when we go for a walk. That's what, $10 a year? That's money that kinda drops out of the sky. My luck has been trmendously bad (see practically the rest of this blog) but in some ways it's been tremendously good. My dog Pony is the greatest dog in the world...yes, see, Pony, I've typed it in the blog, so get off me now, ok?

So what to do with the money? Especially since I'm unemployed? After the total disappointment of Philly Pagan Pride Day, I've been thinking long and hard about my real spirituality. I've decided it has nothing to do with wearing pentagrams, dressing in black and going to things called Pagan Pride Days. It means to try and do as much good as possible, including spreading some of the good luck that's come my way back to the people that means the most to me--animals. Since I'm so discombubulated at the moment, I joined PETA and let them have the fun of dealing with a lost cause. It's a good echo of life--we try to live it as best we can, even though we know we're going to die at the end of all the hard work. So let's keep smilin' and carrying the SAVE THE WHATEVER signs.

Pity Philly Pagans

Paganism is not an organized religion by any means. Idealogically, this is a good thing as it encourages you to think for yourself and not feel threatened by other points of view. However, it's not so good when trying to get together the Philadelphia Pagan Pride Day of 2006 in Clark Park, West Philly. Basically what happened is that a couple dozen people in pentacles got together and stared at each other, asking, "Is this all there is?" I'm sure in my 36 years, I've been to more pitiful events, but at the moment I just can't think of any.

Bad luck played a part in killing Philly Pagan Pride Day, as scheduled speakers just decided to send their astral bodies instead of their physical ones. A nice lady gave out free tarot readings and there were 7 or 8 tables of bright shiny objects for sale (including pepper spray for the Mars worshippers) but outside of that, nada. If there were any talks or lectures or anything else, everyone was sure I left before they started. I stayed for nearly two hours and gave up. It's a bad day when you get more free literature from the Mormons than the Pagans on Philly Pagan Pride Day.

At least no one need fear us--we've proved we're harmless!

What would help bring out attendence to Philly Pagan Pride Day 2007...or 2008 if next year's is called off due to befuddlement. Here's some suggestions:

• A cute mascot


• A game of Pin the Blame on the Donkey


• A slogan...like "Witchin' Is Bitchin'" or something.


• Perhaps handouts on easy tips to help save the enviornment...we are a nature religion, right?


• Clark Park has the world's only full size statue of Charles Dickens. Seance, anyone?


• Pinatas for the kids or those needing a safe release of pent up anger

All kidding aside, I'm glad there is such a thing as a Philly Pagan Pride Day (whether anything happens or not)and I wish it the best of luck on finding a really good spell to whip it into shape.

A New Low In Pop Culture

I love Dragons. They're a part of my personal mythology. I think they're the stuff in between atomic particles. Almost all cultures in the world have some draconic thingamabob in their mythology, which shows they're in the human unconsciousness somewhere. I also think they used to allow themselves to be seen but now sit back in hiding in between subatomic particles and laugh their invisible asses off at us. We certainly give them a lot to laugh about.

But this is just a tad bit tacky. I'm all for free artisitic epression, but here's"Rider From the Mystic Realm", coming to a coupon booklet near you. This is only part of a trend to turn Dragons into Elvis. We're seeing him everywhere on everything. It's bad enough that there are dragon christmas ornaments, dragon fabrege' eggs and dragon collectable motocycles, but now there's dragon urban slang and computer smiley dragon feti. I don't know about you, but I'm really scared.

Now, I know Dragons are no sacred cows and enjoy a good laugh just like anyone else. Perhaps they even enjoy a Silly Dragon. But I do worry that there might be a fundamentalist fringe group among Dragonland that's gonna take this way too seriously and start blasting collectors or Prescious Moments dragons. Random arson among tacky dragon art collections can't in any way hold up to be arson by dragons in any world court. We'd wind up blaming each other and maybe even start sanctions and trade embargos and worse between the collectors and the not-collectors. This is the kind of thing I think about 'cause I can't find a decent job. Perhaps that's the work of fundamentalist fringe Dragonists as well.

I think I can work this up into a good conspiracy theory (unlike a really sad conspiracy theory). Maybe then I could get a manuscript published. I could build the dragons an altar and give to all kinds of Dragonism causes with the money (hint, hint, Dragon Gods ).

Back In The USofA

One year ago today, my dog Pony and I left England to go live with my Mom in the Philadelphia area (the area of my breeding and training). We were in Bathwick and had to get to Gatwick on the other side of the country by 11 am. This was fun. It required we wake at 4am to catch a 5am train out of Bath Spa Station (convincing Pony that the train was not a monster--she literally had to make a leap of faith to get on the train), transfer at Reading, then on to Gatwick. At Gatwick, we discovered US Airways could not give us a dog crate although they originally said they could. We then had to take a taxi to British Airways, ALL HAIL BRITISH AIRWAYS, who felt pity on us and GAVE us an abandoned dog crate. Then we faced about a 10 hour journey to Philly International (with all the delays) where Pony had more room, a good sleep in the dim hold of the plane while I was crammed in a tiny sleep surrounded by strangers who seemed obsessed with bright shiny objects.

But we made it--'cause we had to. So what have I learned in a year?

• American Bacon Butties suck.


• Monty Python just keeps getting funnier and funnier


• Blogging is fun


• Home is not a place...it's just that all the other four letter words were taken.

Get Your Population Under Control

Why do people want to have kids? I've never figured that out. Especially since the world is so overpopulated. Hell, I'm looking forward to any and all apocolypses since then I'd never have to worry about a parking spot. I'd also have a very good chance of finally getting a job. Anyway, it's not as if human beings are an endangered species.

So why do we have infertitlty clinics? That's always boggled my mind. We have more than enough kids, but yet we spend money and what's left of our resources on bringing more mouths to feed and butts to wipe? I don't get it. I think these infertitlity clinics should offer the option of giving women a chance to give birth to a panda. The world needs more pandas. And here are the benefits of having a panda instead of a crumb crusher:

• The average birth weight of a panda is 3 1/2 OUNCES.


• The average birth weight of a panda is 3 1/2 OUNCES. I know I've repeated myself, but the information is just so significant, it's worth repeating.
  
• Pandas can't grow up to run away from home to another country and shack up with an alchoholic (unlike some blog writers....)


• They never outgrow their cute phase


• They're grown up in five or six years


• They don't sue their own parents


• They don't do this


• Or this


• And, most importantly, they don't do this

People might be important--no one can prove that they are or are not--but we sure as shooting are not the end all and be all.

Hope for Humanity Yet

Most days I feel like I have to apologize for the rest of my species to the world. Sometimes, though, I actually can LIKE being a member of the homo sapiens.
Enjoy. And even more cause for hope. Maybe next time I decide to run away from home, I'll go to Finland.

And if that weren't enough, then there's this which I nicked from Beliefnet.com:
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

More of the ususal pounding my head against a wall next time.

Warning: I'm Pissed Off

NOTE: The following post is NOT directed at anyone who was directly affected by 9/11. In fact, you're better off skipping reading this post and watching this

Right. As mentioned in the title, I am pissed off. So, I decided to take the pissed off-ness energy and do a blog post rather than bang my head against a wall...which, actually, is pretty much the same thing at times. ANYWAY

I'm really hoping America (those not directly suffering from the tragic events of 9/11)gets over 9/11. As a student of mythology, I see 9/11 as having a potential to wind up being a whopper. In one sense, it was a day where a lot of Americans lost their sense of security, which is actually a good thing. This is being written by a person who has survived flood, arson, homelessness, being put in hospital by the man who claimed to love me and trans-Atlantic airplane rides. Yes, it was a tragedy. But do we HAVE to be kept reminded of it? Billboards, banners planted in the front yard, TV mini series, supermarket circulars proclaiming "Remember!"...hell, I can't even go SHOPPING without paranoia being thrown in for free? I can see 9/11 greeting cards and 9/11 carols right around the corner, folks:

So sorry you lost someone in 9/11
At least he's smilin' down from heaven!

America seems more paranoid now than when I left it (I was living in Cranliegh, England on 9/11 and couldn't phone the US that day...that was surreal..."Leave a message, and the country will try to get back you")That's a shame, because Americans seemed to really like a good time no matter how crappy the day. Now the Americans I meet and see on TV are jumping at their own shadow.

That's not living, folks. Yes, 9/11 was a nightmare. But we got through it, and we know that we can and will survive. Want to piss off Al Quieda? Live as you did on 9/10/01. Case in point, the dogs of 9/11.
They do not stop to make speeches, paint murals or plant flags. They keep on being dogs. The day always begins with a wag of the tail. There's a great lesson in that, in that they can see what we can't. I hope one day we will remember 9/11 breifly only on 9/11, and then live as happily and as fear-free as we can the rest of the year. That would be the best memorial of all to the victims.

"Come, give me your hand: what's done cannot be undone: to bed, to bed, to bed."
— Lady Macbeth, Act V, Sc. 1

General Election of Personal God Oct 13

You know, I'm going to miss Tony Blair. He was so much fun to make fun of. He took the blame for everything in the UK from political suicide to pay toilets. He was PM the entire time I lived in England...heck, he was PM even before I had my massive metal breakdown...even before I was 30!

Which got me thinking about my personal Diety. (Why? What was I supposed to think of?)I don't have one. As a student of mythology and a pagan, I know that no matter what you call it, it's still the same Great Spirit. But heck, I want to be part of a spiritual Illuminati. So I need to dedicate myself to a personal God. I hate long campaigns, so I'm going to make my pick this October 13. And, just as with Tony, if this God doesn't deliver, Ill hold another election. So here are the main canidates:

• Jesus H Christ Well, beel there. Done that. Didn't even get a damn T-shirt from the bugger. He was in power for nearly a 20 year term in my early life, so I highly doubt His bid for re-election is for real.


• Buddha A really well-qualified and proven canidate with a good voting record, but technically not a God.


• Peter Gabriel All right, technically he's not a God, either, but has the sexy charisma I seek for in any Diety. I think he'd be fun to sin against. So, he's a front-runner.


• Hecate. She's the guardian Diety of my dog. My dog managed to get a better AND cheaper seat on a trans-atlantic flight than ME. 'Nuff said.
  
• Raven I can't get away from this bugger. He's been in my writings in one form or another since I was a little girl. Maybe I should just give up and give him a term in office. All leaders are Tricksters, anyway.
,

May the best God/dess win!

My Birthday Is Nov 18

Happy September first. Just as a reminder, you have plenty of time to get a gift for my birthday. I'll need a lot of comforting as I'll be 37. If I was a Thoroughbred racehorse, I'd be dead. As it is, I'm just an unemployed unpublished writer who occassionally amuses with a blog post or two. Surely keeping my tiny little mind from going pop is a good enough cause to contribute to. Here are a few gift ideas:

• Oh. My. God.


• My own cult...oh, heck, I could share it with Peter Gabriel if I'm in a good mood


• Come to think of it, just send a red ribbon around Peter Gabriel and I'll be all set for my mid-life crisis.

If you can't manage any of those, I'd be honored if you were kind to an animal as a gift not only to me, but to the world. Heck, start now and maybe you won't feel guilty about that turkey at Thanksgiving.