Sunday, September 23, 2007

If Wishes Were Fishes

I want a fish tank. Preferably with fish in it. I have had tanks before and so I have a taste of what I'm up against. I'm always sad when a pet dies, even a wet pet, and fish are the most mortal of the bunch. But this time I am determined that it will work out. Mainly, becuase I don't have to pay for a tank, a stand and a light. I discovered my Dad wants to get rid of his empty 20 gallon tank. Currently, it is home to two wooden sculptures of tropical fish and some gravel.

Besides, I have this pet advice column on Hub Pages. This could be great research for future articles. Perhaps I could even write the fish off as a business expense? And watching fish is supposed to lower stress. I could write about that in my new professional blog for

Well, I talked to Dad just a few minutes ago and he is all for giving me the tank, stand and light and even helping me set the tank up. He has even offered to buy me a pump for an early birthday present.

The only snag is that I live in my Mom's basement. So I have to convince Mom that a 20 gallon fishtank is a good thing. I have no idea what my dog Pony is going to think (probably "Blah, blah, blah Pony blah blah blah" as suggested by a Far Side cartoon). Cross your fingers that I swim and don't sink!

Speaking about luck, I have recently had another website pay me for one of my original poems about a strange bit of luck called, "How To Determine There's A God When You Are On The Return Flight To Philadelphia From Orlando". Enjoy.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

New Moon

A new moon is an omen of a new direction or start in life, fortunes or projects. A new moon is the most auspiscious time to start working on life goals. Today is the new moon. It also happens to be the sixth anniversary of Sept 11. I hope that America will get a new attitude and get on with life from this new moon onwards.

After six years, what have we learned, folks? That's it's probably not the best of ideas to swat a mosquito with a bazooka. Honestly, if the Bad Guys were supposed to be so evil, I think we would've all been toast long before now. So let's get things in perspective and start tackling the REAL issues that need money and manpower, like world peace, fixing the enviornment, reducing the human overpopulation, feeding those who are already here, lowering the cost of things and shifting our worship of Money to a worship of Let's Get Our Shit Sorted Out.

Sorry, not feeling funny today. But I don't want to end on such a bummer of a note. Here's a video of a duet between Bono and the late, great Luciano Pavarotti. One of the highlights of my tumultous five years in England was getting to see The Three Tenors performance in Bath. I always thought Pavarotti would outlive me. Perhaps he will, after all. That's a fair trade-off.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

God & The Lottery

Last week a Wiccan won The Lottery (and not the Shirley Jackson kind, mind you). Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett won over $30 million after some intense spiritual negotiations:

Bartlett, an accountant from Dundalk, Maryland, said he made a bargain with the multiple gods associated with his Wiccan beliefs: "You let me win the lottery and I'll teach." Both tickets he purchased had numbers chosen randomly from the computer.

I'm a Witch as well and have yet to win the lottery (although once I think I won a copy of short stories with "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson in it). When you read Wiccan, think "Witch". As far as I'm concerned, "Wiccan" is the wussy name. The thinking behind calling oneself Wiccan rather than Witch is that the name Witch has a whole lotta archetype baggage associated with it. And that's exactly the reason why I call myself a Witch...or at least, a Pagan.

ANYWAY, the media seems quite interested in Bartlett's religion. I hesitate to think that Bartlett is the first Wiccan/Pagan to ever win money, but apparantly he's the first for a major multi-million pot. I hope this does not lead people to look into Wiccan/Pagan spirituality just for the dosh. They will be sadly disappointed, let me tell you.

Oh, you get what you ask for if you really really want it, don't get me wrong. On the day I devoted myself to The Path, I asked for wisdom. Silly me. I had no idea what the consquences of asking for wisdom would be. I thought I would learn how to organize coupons better. No. I wound up falling in love with a homeless alchoholic in England, ran away from home to follow him and lived in poverty for over five years. I had to come back to America after my litte home in the woods was burnt down. But I am a hell of a lot wiser.

Having said that, I suppose I could do a spell to win a lottery. But what would be the point? Would I be truly happy? Well, I'd be a lot more comfortable, but I wouldn't be any happier.

Hopefully, Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett will not have to go through what I had to go through to get what he wanted. Free advice, though, Brother Elwood -- most spirits and elemental forces and the human student body do not obey anyone named "Bunky". "My Goddess! We're in for it now! It's Professor Wizard Bunky!" Heck, even Tim is a scarier name.

And speaking of true magic, one little wish of mine has come true. Peter Gabriel has finally gone and found himself a distributer for his new album, I/O...but whenever that comes out, God only knows.