Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm 40. What the Hell Happened?

One day, you have plans to rule the world and the next you're watching your bowel movements like a hawk. You think being a teenager was bad -- that was nothing compared to hitting the big 4 - 0.

I was born at the same time Sesame Street was, so when I see a word like "forty", I'm intnd to think it was brought to me by the letter F. What other words can you think of that also begin with the letter F? (Besides that one.) Hmm, let's see, we've got "failure", "foolish", "futile" and "flotational device". At least I know when I'll die -- the same year Sesame Street is cancelled. It's kind of a Halley's Comet thing.

As I'm shoved kicking and screaming into 40 on 18 November, I realize that there are some cherished dreams that are just never going to materialize throughout the rest of my life. They include:

* Never getting a horse -- and I don't mean a charley horse
* Never sleeping with Peter Gabriel (sex need not be involved)
* Never being the youngest person in the world to land a major book deal, then star in direct in the film adaptation of the book and win an Oscar
* Never again being able to eat a donut without worrying about what it will do to my colon

But, stil, ya gotta larf. I'm now going to end with a scene from my squandered youth:


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Developing a Taste for Cannabis


This article was a special order that the client turned down because he claimed that cannabis does not have a tates when added to foods or beverages. You could've knocked me over with a puff of puff when I read that. A stoner having taste buds as opposed to just buds? Anyway, the kind of cannabis I cooked with in the UK was called skunk, although it smelled just fine.

I shopped this around to other clients, but they don't want to touch it because marijuana is such as controversial issue (even medical marijuana). I do not blame you, clients. So, I'm going to stick it up here for free. It's my way of spreading the love.

Now, I cooked with cannabis because I was homeless and needed something for toothaches, insomnia, migraines and dealing with an alcoholic boyfriend. I wouldn't cook with it again because, quite frankly, I have access to better drugs (Prozac and Xanax). I also got rid of the boyfriend. I DO NOT recommend taking cannabis just for the heck of it. This is a substance that needs to be treated with respect. Besides, Xanax gets you stoned faster and you can spell it the same way backwards as you can forwards.

Here it is: Developing a Taste for Cannabis

Some people are put off cooking with cannabis, even though cooking it is arguably far more beneficial than smoking it. It's either because they are scared of what it will taste like or because they have tried it before and did not like the taste. But don’t let one bad experience spoil the possibilities of baking, cooking or making hot, soothing beverages with cannabis.

What Does It Taste Like?

Cannabis is usually described as having an "earthy" taste, but what does that mean? It means marijuana can often taste like dirt. People who like to eat freshly picked button or wild mushrooms should also enjoy the taste of cannabis. People who smoke tobacco often have dulled taste buds and claim they cannot detect the cannabis in food or drinks.

Cannabis leaves can sometimes a leave a sand-like grit in sauces, drinks or bakery goods. This is one reason why people turn to making cannabis butter or oil. But many people do not have the time or patience to make clarified butter or oil. Cannabis butter or oil can still leave a slightly earthy taste but it is not as detectable as it is when cooking with just the leaves.

Grinding It Up

Taste and texture are paramount to indulging in a special dish. But if put off by the thought of grit or a dirt-like flavor, The Hemp and Cannabis Foundation recommends making a cannabis flour. This can also be used in sauces, casseroles or hot beverages -- not just for baking brownies.

Use dry cannabis parts, although some strains that are dry to the touch will release considerable moisture when ground up. Some people prefer to use a mortar and pestle in order to control every bit of the grinding process, but using a food processor will be quicker. If there is a problem with moisture, then adding a pinch of real flour or even dried rice will help to soak up the moisture and make dry flour.

Inevitably, some stubborn pieces will refuse to be ground up. These can be strained out from the flour and used to add to chai or coffee. The taste of the chai or coffee is usually strong enough to cover up the cannabis taste and gives a warming and soothing drink.

Cannabis flour should be used within a few days, unless it has gotten very moist. In that case, it should be used immediately or it may spoil. Use the flour like a dried spice in hot dishes in order to taste the food and not just the cannabis flour. Use sparingly in bakery goods.