Got My First Official Rejection Slip

Yiperdoodle. In five days, my mauscript for the short story "Why Did the Dragon Cross the Road?" came back rejected from Fantasy & Science Fiction Magazine. I'm glad my first one was from a big mag. The typewritten note said, "It just didn't capture my interest, I'm afraid." My folks think I should frame it. There used to be a saying, "If you fall off a horse three times, THEN you're a rider!" I guess falling from three mags makes me a writer. My Dad wondered why it didn't hold the Assistant Editor's interest. "Didn't you kill anyone?" he asked.

"No, but the narrator's leg gets ripped off." I answered.

Dad, who didn't miss a beat, said, "That's it, then. Kill off the narrator."

"But it's first person, Dad.You know she's not gonna die, because she's narrating."

Hmmm. Dad's got a point, though....

The Only Dog Costume Worth It

From the "Never Say Never Department": I have many a time sworn that if I ever put my dog Pony into a Halloween outfit, I hope someone would put me to sleep. Now I LOOVVEEE Halloween. It's the High Holy Day of the year, as far as I'm concerned. And I do not wish to keep all the fun to humans and not let dogs in, but it just seems a bit...I dunno...CHEAP to dress your dog up as a person. Seems to dishonor the dogness of the dog. My dog would rip the costume up in ten seconds, anyway.

But then I saw this costume online. Yes, it glows in the dark. So not only can you really freak someone out in the nighttime (always a bonus) but it's instructional, too on how a doggie skeleton is sorta put together.

That being said, Pony is staying inside this Halloween. Have a happy Halloweekend!

School Daze

Schools are having more than their fair share of troubles recently. Lack of money, lack of security, lack of books and lack of anyone who gives a tinker's damn. So school boards across the nation, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to ban dodgeball and tag. Oh, that'll take care of all the problems lickey-split.

Of course, my old school would say the problem is not having God in the classroom. This from a school whose motto was (and I kid you not) "The FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." Don't give me "the original meaning of fear meant respect" crap--these teachers were FRIGHTENING. I still have nightmares about them. I did well in school for the same reason I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of four--fear of going to hell. We were obedient because any spark of actual independent thought was efficiently stamped out. Can't have any of that.

It occurs to me that we'd save a lot of bother if we just got rid of school. Just have kids hang about adults, learning whatever they damn well feel like and at a coming of age ceremony, drop them off into a desert with a box of matches for a week. If they live, they've graduated. If not...well, perhaps they shouldn't be swimming in the gene pool.

Too harsh, you say? Well, it's pretty much what we're doing now anyway.

100th Post--Raven Bless Peter Gabriel!

Some good news from me for a change. Peter Gabriel (pictured), canidate to be my Personal God (but lost to Raven)has announced on Friday that he will not be doing the Genesis reunion thingy with the band he helped co-found around the time I was born. (You know Genesis--they unleashed Phil Collins on the world, as well as PG?)I'm broke, and so can not afford any concert tickets.

Now when I was 16--heck, even when I was 26--money was no object in seeing PG on tour (considering he only does it once or twice a decade). I'd beg, borrow, steal until I could press those concert tickets to my heaving bosom (wow--are you ever glad you decided to read this blog today!)until I was signing a funny-smelling contract from Mr. Scratch. I would think, "I could use the grocery money for the tickets! The anticipation of seeing HIM with my own eyes will sustain me!"

Now I'm 36, and have slightly different priorities. My dog comes first, then my Mom, then my writing, then my spirituality, then my sleep, then PG. On the one hand, I feel a twinge of nostaligic sadness that I don't quite possess the devotion I used to, but at least I know now that PG won't take it personally....

...uh, at least, I think so....

Taking the Plunge

Hideho. Since I'm getting nowhere trying to find a "real" job and I'm not back on the street yet, I thought I'd give a go at doing what I live to do for money--writing. This week, I've sent out a short story contest entry and four article/story submissions to:

• The Bark


• Pure Inspiration


• Vestal Review


• Reader's Digest(had to be done)

I'd blog some more, but the latest short story is calling...also, my Mom's cat Sarah keeps rolling on the keyboard, and she's too cute to shoo away. Perhaps I could call this research into a future article?

Personal God Election Results

Alright, the Election Day parody of me to elect the God I'm going to devote myself to didn't pan out (pun intended.)Quite frankly, I doubt anything I could write would be funnier than the campaigns of current Pennslyvannia politicians.

Anyway, only one of the canidates bothered to make any sort of campaign ad for me..sort of. About a week ago, I had a dream of Peter Gabriel being my chauffer (kinda a Baby, You Can Drive My Car kinda thing). Well, in the dream he botched that up. This from a man who took 10 years between albums and 25 years between kids. If I pray to him today, I guess I'll get a reply by the time I'm 64.

So, the winner and ChamPEEN of my worshipful devotions is (drumroll please)

....................................Raven.

Since He's a Trickster and a shapeshifter, he can look like whatever Peter Gabriel whenever He wants to. There is actually a serious reason why I'm now a Ravenist, but it's not nearly as entertaining as what I've already written, and this post has gone on long enough.

Earth's Main God/dess

Spirituality would be a lot less complicated if there was only one person on Earth at a time. That would save a lot of time arguing.

What is the real God/dess of Earth? Or of Western Civilization, anyway, since it seems to be the Power of the Moment. It sure ain't God. Or Goddess, either. The Diety is Enough. ("As long as I have Enough, I'll be happy.")("Omigod--there's not ENOUGH! Hit the Panic Button!!!") Logic is another Diety on the panthenon...whoops...hold on, that's for the planet "Vulcan, not Earth.

The reason we're so screwed up is that we're the only animal that needs God. That's the only difference from us and the monkeys, my friends. We always need a justification for what we do--see it as part of a Grand Design.

Animals have it figured out. Life is to live it--that's it, folks. Walt Whitman put it best:

I think I could turn and live with animals
the are so placid and self contained
I stand and look at them long and long.

Another Poem

The man gets up and walks out into the sun
ramifications and complications threaten him all at once.
He was to go here, he wound up going there
and aches never to have learned to compare.

He was so sure when he was born
what would make him cold and what would make him warm.
But somewhere along the way he discovered among the fray
that he forgot more than his mind could pack away.

"I was to do something--but what, I do not know
What with learning and earning and rushing to and fro.
I gathered to me more than this one path
So perhaps I was to forget it and go take a bath."

--October 4 &; 9, 2006

One Order of Limbo To Go

As you've probably heard by now, the most recent incarnation of the Pope is to (or has he already? I can't be bothered to look it up, quite frankly!) disavow all Catholic association of the concept known as Limbo. (Not the dance, sadly.) Limbo is not to be confused with Purgatory, although it's just down the block. Limbo is where the souls of unbaptized babies and good pagans who lived before the time of Christ go to hang out for the rest of eternity. I always pictured them as just floating around in a black and white eternity, as colour was reserved for Heaven or Hell. (In Purgatory, you get colour on the weekends). When I noticed the Papal announcement in the paper, I couldn't help but read the headline to my recently Catholic-ized Mom. She said, "What's limbo? Besides the damn dance I can't do?" So, I told her. "Oh," she said. "Wait--how did you know about limbo?"

"Why, from George Carlin, of course, Mother!" I truthfully replied, for how else do non-Catholics get their interpetations of the Catholic worldview? Read a Catholic Bible? Ha! That would make sense.

Anyway, I'm going to miss limbo, even though all the souls in limbo are now given a one-way ticket to heaven. Which reminds me--limbo is being ousted because it is "only a hypothesis"--hmmm---so can we think of what else is just a hypothesis? Like, oh, let's see...God? Hell? Original sin?

Sorry--Not Feeling Funny This Week

Well, I feel funny 'peculiar', not funny 'ha-ha'. (I couldn't even be bothered to write an original opening line--I think I plagerized that from a WKRP In Cincinatti episode). I lived in Lancaster County for nearly ten years and by now you might have heard that the peaceful Amish community had a freak accident. Unfortunately, they ran into a freak. Now, at the time of this writing, there's five (soon to be six) humans dead and one dead freak. Amazingly, the Amish have already forgiven the freak and have invited the freak's family to the funerals of their little girls.

I met a lot of Amish in my time in Lancaster, but we were not on a name-exchange basis. I am not personally related to the victims, and yet I want revenge. Yes, the freak has shot himself--or indulged in police-assisted suicide--but I'm sure there's something else we can do to him. Shoot the body? Do a seance and flip him the bird? Make a pact with Satan to fry his freaky ass extra extra crispy? It takes a hell of a lot of energy to plan revenge...even if it's only fantasy revenge.

I envied the Amish in my time in Lancaster--mostly because they had incredibly fit horses. But now I envy them even more, as despite this violation of their sanctuary, they still are able to bring their harvest home.

Know Thyself

This is a self portrait done in two ways:
1) As advice given on Solsbury Hill Forums for all of us Peter Gabriel fans (and we know you're out there)I first went to give myself the South Park treatment
2)Then I goofed around with it a bit in Paint, the lovely doodling program on most PCs.
It has been said by many many people both smarter and wiser than me that the best way to wisdom is to Know Thyself. So this self-portrait shows how much I know.