White Buffalo Medicine

I spent Xmas with an intestinal virus. So, basically, I brought in the holidays by bringing up everything I'd eaten since the last holiday. Love to know what Secret Santa gave me that gift, so I can repay him.

No argument--I need good medicine. Soon after my eyes began to focus, I read about a ceremony held on Christmans Eve to bring peace on earth and goodwill to men--the naming ceremony of a rarer-than-Venus'-arms white buffalo calf, born in a Pennslyvannia zoo. The bouncing bundle of joy was named Kenahkihinen, which is Lenape for "watch over us." It was a mutli-cultural prayer offering to the Great Spirit. From what I understand, the calf will not be worshipped, but treated with respect, as a great eacher, for white buffaloes represent a time when man is at a crossroads--they can either die or adapt.

In a related story, the Seminole Nation bought the Hard Rock Cafe chain of resteraunts. Coincidence? I think not.

''Our ancestors sold Manhattan for trinkets,'' Osceola said Dec. 7. ''Today, with the acquisition of the Hard Rock Cafe, we're going to buy Manhattan back one hamburger at a time.''

I'll drink my Nyquil to that. I'm only about 1/16th Native American, but I hope that's enough to spare my lily white ass when the revolution comes...and wouldn't it just be poetic justice if it did? Whitey getting kicked out behind a border fence while the Native peoples (which I assume include Latinos) yuck it up, told it's "manifest destiny"? Yes, I better quit before I laugh myself sick again.

Things I Wonder About

As a gift to the world, I will tell you what I wonder about. Maybe it'll be good for a laugh or soul-search or both. No, I don't bother with those piddling questions like "Where did we come from?" and "Is there life after death?" Those just aren't too practical. I want to know how to find dry sticks to light a fire when I'm caught in a rianstorm in Somerset. Other things I wonder about:

• Is God/dess laughing His/Her/Its Ass off at us?"


• Are the penguins trying to take over the world? And if so, what can I do to hurry them up a bit?


• Right. Suppose the Dalai Lama one day wakes up and snaps and yells "Bugger the Karma!" and blows all the Chinese in Tibet away, despite that this would go against all he'd been saying all of lives, would anyone really blame him?


• Speaking of the Dalai Lama, how many times in his life has someone come up to him and said, "Hello, Dalai!"?


• About 20 years ago, comedian George Carlin came up with the idea for a feminine hygene spray called Sprunt ("Well, you'd never forget the name, wouldja?")? I'd like that stuff. How come this never was made?


• Wouldn't it be great if dog shit was edible?


• And, most importantly, When the bloody 'ell is Peter Gabriel gonna put another albumn out???

Happy Winter, folks!

I Have Two College Degrees...

...and today I lost a chance at a $6.00 an hour job because I pushed a wrong button during the phone menu atuomated post-pre interview. (I wish I was joking). I had to beg on the phone to real person to find out what the problem was so I could try again. I will have to try again Friday IF the pre-interviewer's supervisor approves. I have two college degrees and an automated phone system is telling me I'm not qualified for a job wearing a name badge.

Now, how am I supposed to find meaning in all this? My degrees are in Liberal Arts and English. Theoretically, I should be ruling a small Third World country. Or, at least, have enough money to BUY a small Third World country, with chips. But now, I'm not qualified to wear a name badge? I can't even afford the name badge.

After getting shot down there, I received another rejection slip from another mag. This time, it wasn't for a poem or short story. They were rejecting my autobiography. Apparantly, my life is "well written, but not currently within our editorial standards." You know some Diety somewhere is laughing.

So Mom took me out for ice cream. I'm not sure how this helps with my jobsearch or spiritual life, but it does.

Stephen King Dreams

I had a dream about Stephen King. I made a speech, using a quote from him. He came up to me and asked if he could use that quote. (I think it was "The road to hell is paved with adverbs") I told him it was his own, from On Writing. He made a face and stomped away. What up, there, Kingmeister?

So I wake up and help Mom to her appointment with a neurosugeon. His office has a huge triptych of this Hieronymous Bosch painting (The Garden of Earthly Delights) and a silver skull with Celtic Knots on it. He's using sentences containing the words "Vertebrae" and "drill" which should NEVER be used in the same sentence, as far as I'm concerned!

I should send this guy to Stephen King. The road to hell is not paved with adverbs, but with computer simulated spinal surgury videos. Well, now I know that bones can bleed. I'm sure that bit of unasked-for info will help my spiritual life and writing career loads.

How Much is Your Best Friend Worth?

Say someone shot your Picasso. Should you be compensated financilly? What about your pet? Don't you put as much effort into them as a work of art? Unfortunately, this is just what happened. Shadow was shot by a neighbor ("HOWDY!") and the distraught owners are suing for emotional damage (among other things). Is a dog property or a family member? It boils down to--do dogs have souls, and if so, how much is a dog soul worth? The shooter says this:

These people think that this dog is a human being,” he said. “It's not a human being. And that dog was trespassing.”

And thank GOD and GODDESS Shadow wasn't a human being! Dogs don't go around shooting random creatures for the hell of it. The worst my dog has ever done to me is lick my eyeball (ewww). Dogs (and animals) should be worth more than people 'cause they don't piss us off and f*** up our lives like people do.

Do dogs have souls? Goddammn right! When you snuff The Big One, don't be suprised if God winds up being all the animals you ever hurt, looking at you saying, "So who's the top of the food chain now, Mr. Opposable Thumbs?"

It could happen.

Incrediblyunbrokensentencemovingfromtopictotopic

Well, while I know people have more pressing problems in their lives, right now I couldn't give a monkey's. My writing "career" has just sort of slipped sideways. Remeber that entire first dreft of a Star Trek: The Next Generation novel I wrote a few months ago? Well, it's gotta be indefinately shelved. I found the website of writer's submission guidelines and discovered they will not accept books with the plot line of paralell universes anymore. Whoops--that's kinda a big part of the plot of my book. They leave plotlines like that for "established authors".

So, here's the plan--I becme an established author, and THEN submit the novel. Yeah, that'll do it.

In other news, after collecting a small but select collection of rejection slips for my short stories, poems and personal essays, yesterday I received one "maybe" from Grendelsong. Hey, it's a start. Like the Zen saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with that first step.