Back on the Xanax and Doubling Up on Ice Cream

I had a bad week:

* We learned our 16 year old cat may have thyroid cancer.
* The nest of four baby house finches was ripped apart by an unknown attacker just two days before the babies were due to fly. Only bits of one corpse was discovered.
* I learned I may have cancer

Any week where cancer pops up once is a bad week but to have it pop up twice means it's time to go back to bed.

I had an extremely painful attack during my period. How painful was it? If someone had handed me a loaded gun, I would have unhesitatingly shot myself. THAT'S how bad the pain was. Fortunately, Mom handed me a Percoset and not a loaded gun.

Mom called a gynecologist the next day (because I was too wiped out to use the phone) and before she finished listing the symptoms, the receptionist said, "Get her here NOW."

I was examined and told it could be one of two things:

1) Endometriosis (which sucks)
2) "Pre-cancer of the ovaries and/or uterus" (which REALLY sucks. And no, I didn't ask what "pre-cancer" meant. You have a little bit of cancer in the same way you are a little bit pregnant.)

I have an invasive ultrasound scheduled for 13 August (my dog's birthday.) Just what is an invasive ultrasound? The ultrasound wand is STUCK up my TWAT. I'm not too sure you can get MORE invasive than that (and if there is -- I do NOT want to know about it.)

So, the important thing most readers of this blog will note (well, one of you, anyway) is this -- am I still going to Leipzig to see Peter Gabriel and the New Blood Orchestra in September?

You bet. Going to Germany with the knowledge my body could implode at any moment will make the trip that much more exciting.

That's why I'm paring this post with an image of PG instead of any other subject matter mentioned.

Peter Gabriel's Cover of "Illusions"

1987 was the 750th anniversary of the city of Berlin. So, what to do to celebrate? Make a cheesy television program! However, this show featured an incredibly rare clip of Peter Gabriel covering "Illusions," a song made famous by Marlene Dietrich in the movie "A Foreign Affair" (1948.) The electric piano player is David Sanctious, who was part of PG's band during the 1986 and 1987 tours.

I've been a PG fan since I was 16. As a result, I have a long list of things PG does that pisses me off. However, this is goes on the list of things PG does that sends me into a state of bliss.

The video was saved since the 1980s by an Italian PG fan and put up on YouTube in the past week. Enjoy:

Replacing Xanax with Ice Cream

Remember a couple of posts back my doctor was concerned that I may be bipolar? Well, if you don't, just pretend you do. I had been taking Xanax for about a year after the neighborhood drunk threatened to kill my dog.

I was up to three pills a day at one point, but then went to two at the time I saw the doctor in April. Then I went down to one (because I was running out of Xanax and was too lazy to get it refilled). For the last two weeks or so, I've been down to none.

I have, however, begun eating ice cream again. I had to stop in 2006 because the dog was on a diet and have YOU ever tried eating ice cream with a dog begging at you and you can't give her any? Drives you mental. It can also be dangerous if the dog really wants the ice cream. And the panic attacks, racing thoughts in the morning and problems concentrating seemed to have subsided. Coincidence?

Yeah, probably, but ice cream is a heck of a lot cheaper than Xanax. I'm not sure which is more addictive, though.

At least I've figured out where to go in the house to sneak the ice cream so the dog doesn't realize I'm eating it.

Of course, looking at Peter Gabriel photos also helps to calm me, so that's why I stuck one up with this post that has absolutely nothing to do with him. Yeah, my mental state is doing MUCH, much better.