Experimental Post -- Hold On

Yes, that's a photo of me. It was taken about 2002 on the homeless iste Ilived on for about three years. Now, why is it up here?

Well, I tried changing my avatar at the PG Forums. Why do this? There's a bunch of PG fans meeting the night before and just before Peter Gabriel's concert at Radio City Music Hall 5/2. I thought the easiest way to let the other fans know who to look out for was to change my avatar on the forum.

No such luck. Petergabriel.com did not accept accept my photo. Not only that, but my scanner/printer stopped working. Wow -- I'm uglier than I thought. After giving the scanner/printer a remedy by making it print out a PG image (I kid you not), it began working again.

But now I have to keep this post up in order to keep up the link to my photo for those rare PG fans that want to meet me. Doesn't the Internet makes our lives so much easier?

Latest Lucid PG Dream

Info you need to know before reading about the dream:

1) Mitch was the guy I ran away to England for, he abused me, and I had to return to America in 2005.
2) Dream Peter is similar too, but different from the real Peter Gabriel, who've I've been a fan of since I was 16.
3) Sandy is Dream Peter's boss.
4) Lucid dreaming is when you are aware that you are dreaming. Dream Peter taught me how to do it when I was a teeneager.
5) About 4 years ago, I dreamt of Mitch harassing me, telling me that he was Peter in disguise, and Dream Peter came out of nowhere, gave Mitch a bollicking, then turned to me and said, "I would NEVER do that to you. Now wake up."

So, anyway:

I'm in a hotel room in Bath, UK on a writing assignment. Someone stirs on the bed next to me an I see that it's Mitch, fully clad. I frantically try to remember what just happened and if it's what I suspect, I have to kick him rioght out the door. Mitch stands, lifts a gym bag to his shoulders and is about to leave. I know I only have this chance to tell him how he ruined my life.

But all I can think of to say is, "You really pissed me off."

"I know," he replied. "But isn't it nice to know that, after everything that happened, some good came out of it?" And then he walked out.

Puzzled, I walk out of the hotel and find that the entire city of Bath has disappeared, replaced by gray woods next to the River Avon. Mitch walks in front of me, then turns around and says, "Isn't it funny how we keep bumping into each other?"

Finally, I get it. I'm dreaming! "My name is Rena Sherwood and I'm having a lucid dream, " I say, as I have been taught to (it helps me stay in a lucid state throughout the rest of the dream.)"But I do not want to dream about YOU."

"I know. I'm sorry."

That's not like Mitch. Since this is a dream, anything is possible. "Who are you, really?"

He walks up and whispers in my ear, "I'm Peter," and it's Dream Peter's voice.

"I thought you'd said you'd never appear to me as Mitch!" I whisper back.

"Yeah, I know, but then my boss Sandy saw my little performance and thought it would be a brilliant idea for me to appear to you as Mitch. I refused for as long as I could. But, now, well, here I am," he whispers.

"Why are we whiserping?"

"Although this is a dream, you never know who may be listening in. Now let's get back to the hotel."

Anway, when I woke up, I wondered what Dream Peter meant when he said that some good had come out of my being abused my Mitch, becoming homeless and that whole lot. I wonder if I'll ever find out. It's been about a week or so and I haven't seen Dream Peter since to ask him.

Why I Can't Be in the Same Room as the Dalai Lama

I noticed something interesting while preparing for my trip to New York City for another Peter Gabriel soundcheck and concert. About 20 days after PG plays Radio City Music Hall, His Holiness the Dalai Lama will be appearing for two nights to give two lectures. I briefly flirted with the idea of going to attend one of the HH's lectures, but decided not to.

Part of the reason was due to money. But mostly, it's because I'm too ashamed of myself to be in the same room that he is.

From my research into his life, the Dalai Lama is very tolerant, compassionate and forgiving. He wants to work with the government of the very country that forcefully took over his country rather than just blow China to hell. Me -- I'd skip diplomatic negotiations and try to blow China to hell.

Now, both Tibet and myself have no weapons capable of blowing anything larger than a dust mite to hell, but I don't let that small fact hold back my anger.

I really admire people who genuinely like other people. I have a select few people I adore, a few I would gladly take a bullet for and then there's the other 99.9% of the human population. After hearing them talk for ten minutes, I just want to smack them upside the head with a metal frying pan in order to get them to shut up.

I also find that there are people I can't forgive:

* My abuser
* PG's abusers when he attended Charterhouse as a boy
* That drunk woman that kicked her dog in my street, so I called the police on her and now she's threatened to kill my dog
* Michael Vick
* President Andrew Jackson who destroyed what was left of Native American tribes. Yes, I know he died in 1845, but I still hold a grudge

Now, the Dalai Lama teaches compassion mediation where you first think about being compassionate to your mother (or mother-figure), then your best friend and then your worst enemy. Ideally, you are to feel the same feelings for all three.

Un-uh. Not me. No way.

So, I figure my seat at Radio City Music Hall would be best filled by someone who could actually become compassionate to even her worst enemies. She'd get more out of the Dalai Lama's talks than I would. I'd just be sitting there burning with embarassment.

How a Book Idea Can Be Great and Suck Simultaneously

By now, you've probably gotten the impression that I'm a Peter Gabriel fan. You wouldn't even need to read any blog posts to figure that out -- all of the PG images would give that fact away. I'm also a freelance writer. Lots of things in my life have gone down the crapper, but I'm an excellent writer. I pay my bills -- that's why I can say that I'm an excellent writer. (Lousy speller, but excellent writer.)

That Idea's Great!

Inevitably, the idea dawned on me after I wrote about attending PG's soundcheck in Berlin: Rena, only PG's mother knows more about PG than you do. I probably know things that PG himself would have no clue about. You're the perfect person to write a unique biography of him! I wouldn't even have to interview him (although that would be nice.) PG has granted so many interviews over the years that all a writer needs to do would cull the best from those interviews. And (although most of my PG collection was trashed by my exes) I do have access to other fans that have copies of these interviews.

I'd also like to do a section on fan's impressions of meeting PG. Fans like myself get asked about song meanings a lot, so there also should be a section of the biography devoted to that. Although I have written some silly fan-girl stuff on this blog and on at least two PG forums, I would actually take the project seriously and not just blather on about how great PG is. He certainly can be a bastard -- selfish, forgetful and (sometimes) a liar. But, hey, aren't we all? In fact, I'd like to title it "Legendary Bastard: Reflections of Peter Gabriel Through Many Eyes."

I can make this much different from Spencer Bright's nauseating dissection of PG, from the fascinating "Peter Gabriel: In His Own Words" (Mick St. Michael) and even from the best PG bio done to date by the multi-talented Armando Gallo, titled simply "Peter Gabriel."

Hell, I could even self-publish the bio so PG and his staff would not have to bother with all of the hassle of dealing with a snobby publisher.

That Idea Sucks!

Unfortunately, Armando Gallo has been trying to do a sequel to his PG bio for the last 30 years. Gallo is arguably more qualified to write a PG bio than I am, since he not only is an excellent photographer, but also has been a fan of Genesis since I was in diapers. (Pardon the mental image.)

How dare I think that I could get an "okie-dokie" if Gallo can't?

Quite honestly, if you asked 100 PG fans if they've heard of the name "Armando Gallo", over half will say "yes." But ask the same 100 who Rena Sherwood is and they'll say, "Who the f*** is that?"

Besides, PG's staff probably would see me as someone who just wants to get into PG's pants. So, do I risk sending a book proposal to PG's staff and risk being laughed at or (worse) completely ignored or do I just forget the whole thing?

Off to bang my head against the wall until numbness sets in.

Do Yourself a Favor -- Never Google Old Lovers

I guess because it's Easter it gave me the idea to look into the dead parts of my nefarious past. Quite frankly, I live in fear that my UK ex, who used to beat the crap out of me, will show up at my door. However, that would take effort. After moving from the UK on 13 September 2005 there has been no sign of my abuser. (WHEW!)

Since I returned to America I've had nightmares about meeting the American boyfriend I walked out on in order to shack up with the monstrous Peter Gabriel substitute. (Well, I used all my lovers as PG substitutes. Fat lot of good that did.) The American boyfriend probably wishes I was dead and he has every right to. Tell you the truth, there are many times I wish I was dead. Anyway, I thought I'd face this fear.

Facing your fears is highly overrated.

Anyway, I Googled the American boyfriend's name, hoping I'd find it listed under "Obituaries." Either that or find a photo of how badly he'd aged so I could sigh in relief, "Wow. Dodged that bullet."

No such luck. He's on Facebook. Looking at his picture (and that of his overweight gal pal) was reminiscent of discovering roadkill. Last I heard, he'd moved to his home town, but now has moved back to the town where the two of lived oh so many years ago. At least I know which town to stay far, far away from.

So, let this be a lesson to you. If you ever think of Googling old flames -- don't. You'll wind up with nausea to knock over an elephant.

In order to calm me down, there's a nice photo of PG to pair with this post. This is also for the people who come to this blog just for PG news and not Rena Sherwood news. (Hey -- I've no problem with that.)

Off to cancel my Facebook account.