Things have never been so bad with me. I stopped writing because I am so overwhelmed by panic and sorrow. As the title suggests, my Dad died of a suspected heart attack on March 30. He was found by a concerned neighbor. He lived alone in the Poconos. I tried calling him that Sunday (I usually call him on Sundays) and he didn't pick up. No big deal. He's done that before. I called back on Monday the 30th at 7:30 pm and still he didn't pick up. At 8:30 I got a call back -- from the county coroner.
And it's been all downhill ever since. I live 150 miles from his place. He had about 12 cats. two friends from him from church are taking care of the cats but they will not move them out of the trailer. I have no idea what's going to happen to the cats and I am so far away I cannot do anything about it.
My only sibling, my brother Matt, lives in Canada. He wants the trailer, Dad's life insurance, the SUV and the bank account. We've already paid a month's sewage bill on the place, where nobdy lives but the cats and two helpers who check in on them daily. I have no idea what will happen if the electricity bills aren't paid. I'm told the pipes in the mobile home will explode for some reason.
According to relatives, Dad did not leave a will. Which means everything has to go through probate, which means someone has to go to the courthouse in the county where Dad died.
Why can't I do it? First off, I'm not a good driver. Putting me behind the wheel of my SUV on the highways and traveling lost in the Poconos is not in the public's best interest.
But mainly I can't do anything because of my Mom. She's severely crippled, canot walk (cannot even lurch into a wheelchair) and going downhill. She doesn;t have the coronavirus, but does have many health problems like Diabetes Type II and spinal stenosis. I just lost my Dad (and seven months ago, my beloved dog Pony) and now I'm worried I'm going to lose my Mom.
So there's Dad's things and family obligation to do soething about them on one hand and on the other hand I have to take care of Mom. Taking care of Mom is my priority. I have to let all that stuff go (even the photos, even Dad's handicrafts, even a painting by my Uncle Jack) and stick to taking care of Mom in this time of CORVID-19.
Life has suddenly become a very fragile and terrifying thing.
5 comments:
I read this after I emailed you regarding lucid dreams and headaches.
Both my parents have been gone since the '90s. It's hard losing a parent...they are the ones who love you no matter what. My husband and I took care of my mother after a brainstem stroke, and my dad actually ended up dying first.
Having been through something similar, the most important thing is for you to take care of YOU. Being a caregiver is extremely draining and selfless. Losing your beloved dog and now your dad is even more stressful.
Only do what you feel you can, and don't beat yourself up over what you have to let go. It could consume you.
You are a wonderful daughter to be there for your mother. Perhaps you could ask your brother to step up more for your dad's belongings, or any of his other relatives.
I can understand exactly what you're going through right now. I hope you can find some good reading to help you through and any friendships you may have. Now is the time to lean on someone else yourself.
I will keep you in my Metta (Healing) Meditations.
Jiva (Jane) 🙏 🕉 💟
I read this after I emailed you regarding lucid dreams and headaches.
Both my parents have been gone since the '90s. It's hard losing a parent...they are the ones who love you no matter what. My husband and I took care of my mother after a brainstem stroke, and my dad actually ended up dying first.
Having been through something similar, the most important thing is for you to take care of YOU. Being a caregiver is extremely draining and selfless. Losing your beloved dog and now your dad is even more stressful.
Only do what you feel you can, and don't beat yourself up over what you have to let go. It could consume you.
You are a wonderful daughter to be there for your mother. Perhaps you could ask your brother to step up more for your dad's belongings, or any of his other relatives.
I can understand exactly what you're going through right now. I hope you can find some good reading to help you through and any friendships you may have. Now is the time to lean on someone else yourself.
I will keep you in my Metta (Healing) Meditations.
Jiva (Jane) 🙏 🕉 💟
Thank you for your kind words. They are appreciated.
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